Put Your Hands In The Air, Let's Do It Right Here!
by PleasantPotterDoctor
Summary: Cedric Diggory fancies Minerva McGonagall. Let the hilarity ensue.. Rated M for slightly coarse language and pubescent side effects. Read for Ministry of Magic and AVPM funsies.


It was a stifling hot day in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was a great deal hotter for Cedric Diggory in Transfiguration class, because Professor McGonagall was _smokin'._ Being a school of magic and general absurdity, you'd presume this was in a literal, burning way. But no enchanted stream could quench his desire to see her, underneath all those black robes. "Maybe it's like burlesque" he pondered, ruffling his tousled bronze hair as he sprawled across the desk at the back of the room. He had heard a very odd conversation between and his Mum and Auntie Grace last Christmas about how burlesque was about what you didn't see. He remembered hurriedly gulping down his tea and escaping outside, trying to shake off images of his Auntie Grace in a corset. The discussion came back to him now, as he gazed adoringly at her rapping her wand menacingly against the blackboard. "I wish she would do that with my wand..." he thought. His eyes slowly dropped shut as he sank into slumber, dreaming of taking off her pointed hat, releasing the undoubtedly full bodied and silver hair underneath. Putting his hands on her possibly false hips. Having her authoritative hands on him...

"DIGGORY!" oh, he loved it when she said his name. Oh, shit, she was right in front of him. Her beautifully lined face was frowning angrily. He knew every detail of her loose skin, watching her intently as she berated other students. She was sexy when she was mean. She had a funny glint in her eye as she told him to stop daydreaming about girls and to transfigure his lizard. "I wish she would transfigure my lizard..." Cedric mentally slapped himself. He had to stop getting so aroused by her dry wit and cute glasses. But he wasn't interested in girls. Minerva was a woman.

"How am I supposed to help myself?" he thought. Especially when she turned into a cat. Even the association of her with "pussycats" as his mate Jem affectionately called them had him burning up more than ever, hoisting his satchel on his lap and pretending to look for a quill, furiously hoping no-one would notice. Jem did, once. He had sauntered in when Cedric was having an 'episode' and had just slid into his seat as he lowered his bag, thinking the worst was over. It wasn't. Jem gave him a grin and said"Is there a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Cedric froze. Jem continued "Cos we need them for the lizards mate." Cedric agreed, whipping his wand out of his pocket and began to fountain sparks out of the end, trying to distract Jem from the real sparks fountaining in his nether regions.

This was more than just physical lust, this was love. It had been so since September. He had almost died in the Christmas holidays without her. He had frowned over the glass of claret rum his father had poured on him on Christmas Day, remembering how she daintily sipped on it at the beginning of term feast. He was in oblivion for a good ten minutes before his brothers tipped it over his head. His ruffled bronze hair had a strange bloody tint for the rest of the holiday. He watched her at every meal, longing to be Dumbledore as they lightly conversed. He was her equal. "Maybe I should wear glasses to look more intelligent, it works for Potter." He was brought down to earth by the idea of impersonating optical difficulties.

"End of class, be sure to remember your scrolls on wandwork for the next class!" her lilting voice rung out across the classroom. The rest of the class fell over each other to escape the unbearable heat, but Cedric dawdled over packing his satchel as she whirled into her office. "Strength." Cedric thought as he clambered up the stairs to her office. He knocked tentatively and pushed open the heavy door. She was flung on her chair, her glasses upended on the desk. He felt a wave of concern wash over him, then an unbearable urge to smother her in kisses. Her office smelt like roses. Sexy roses. He found he couldn't speak as she looked at him questioningly. "Come on Ced, you're a Hufflepuff, just stayin' relaxed" he urged himself.

"Sorry Min- Professor McGonagall, I've been worried about my grade in Transfiguration, it is my fourth year, it's very important. I was wondering if there was any extra credit I could do with you outside class, and yeah, that would be totally awesome." he finished lamely. He did a weird geeky thing with his hand, blushed furiously and stuck his hand in his pocket. She leaned back thoughtfully.

"I suppose you could help me transfigure that picture of Zac Efron Albus has hung in the Great Hall into something more school-appropriate. Ashley Tisdale, perhaps. Apparently Albus is the biggest fan of Zefron's-"

"Sorry Professor but I think you'll find I'm the biggest fan of Zefron ever." Cedric quickly supplied.

"I don't really care Diggory. I'm sure we'll find you something" she smiled, and then made gestures for him to leave. Cedric galloped down the stairs and into the airy corridor, thinking of the time he would spend with Minerva. Hopefully it would include lots of stretching for high things, panting after running and enclosed spaces. Like a bad Ron/Hermione fan fiction. He was on cloud nine as someone grabbed his bag. Cho was looking up at him in a confused manner.

"Ced, you just walked right by me without saying hi!"

"Sorry Cho."

"How was Transfiguration?"

"Awesome..."

"Right." She leant in for a kiss, but Cedric stopped her distractedly.

"Listen Cho, do you think I should get a pair of glasses?"

"But you have perfect vision."

He paused and considered that. His eyes lit up with inspiration.

"Oh... have you ever though of getting a pair? Like, a really cute square pair, more of a pair of spectacles?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! This fanfic was inspired by the Wrock band Ministry of Magic's song "My Baby" from their fourth album "Magic is Might". THEY'RE AMAZING. I also stole the line "I'm a Hufflepuff, just staying relaxed" from their "House Song "of the same album. It beats up on-readers, insults Hufflepuffs and belittles the Big Bang Theory! AAH! Listen to those anyway, to get what I'm on about XD. It's all very tongue in cheek, and I know my choice of Ced is a bit random. I normally stick to "artistic writing" as my English teacher calls it; this is very unusual for me... Blame the dirtyness on the (fantastic)TV show The Inbetweeners. At least I didn't say fuck in this story! Woops. We're presuming the office is attached to the classroom, like in de movies, righ'? The office scenes had a chuck load of A Very Potter Musical references. It's amazing; every Potter fan should watch it. Review and you'll all be supermegafoxyawesomehot, if you weren't already. You'll also get Hermione Granger and a rocketship! Ok, references end here. Apart from the one taking the mick out of RPattz's "bronze hair".**

**Clarification: I own nothing, Not J.K, H.P, M.O.M, A.V.P.M, Disney robots. (I don't like Disney...)**

**I just stole their ideas mwahaha. Ok, BYEE!**


End file.
